I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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