I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
