i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
