i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
