Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
