I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
