Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
