He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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