forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
