I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
