i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
