Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
