C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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