Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
