Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
