Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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