We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I intend to get homeless drunk
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
