When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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