Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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