I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
