Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
