haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
