Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
In America we eat man semen.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
