I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
