well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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