You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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