I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
