highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
