New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
dude. I can hear the air.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
