And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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