Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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