Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
