I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
