Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
