Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
