just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
