How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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