So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
