We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
is wine microwaveable?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
