Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He has the fingertips of a God
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
