What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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