either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
