Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
