Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
