did you get engaged???
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
