i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
