Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
