Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
