Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
