Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
